Fight Club
by AMidnightSilhouette
Summary: Mixed martial arts trainee Sakura Haruno finds herself in an interesting and awkward situation after a friendly match with Akatsuki's blond. There's a reason they like to keep her around. Features most of the Akatsuki as well as crude humor, colorful language (thanks to Hidan), and innuendos. Part 2 now featuring Itachi!
1. Fight Club

A/N: Just a little one shot I thought would be fun to write. A dose of action and crude, suggestive humor and language. Dialogue heavy. This is in no way meant to be taken in any other way but for laughs and possible secondhand embarrassment. I apologize in advance for Hidan. Enjoy~

Rated M for strong language and situations

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

* * *

 **FIGHT CLUB**

 **...**

* * *

Sakura sat patiently as the blue haired female wrapped her hands in white bandages carefully binding between her fingers. She gave her thanks as the woman, Konan was her name, secured her black fingerless gloves onto her feminine, yet unreasonably strong hands.

Konan smiled delicately to the younger genius female. She angled her faced to the side as she studied Sakura carefully, who held her hair tie between her lips as she attempted to fix her hair, forgetting to do so earlier.

"Need help?"

Sakura sheepishly smiled back. "Please."

"Of course."

Konan pulled the hair tie from the Sakura's lips and moved to stand behind her. She combed her hair back with her slim fingers, making sure each strand was carefully held back before tying her hair securely. Naturally, Sakura's fringe slid from the grasp and took to framing her face.

"Thanks, Konan-san."

"Anytime. Now get out there and show him who's boss."

"You've got it!" The girl took to her feet throwing a few punches into the air. Another word of thanks left her lips as she headed over to the ring.

"Hey now!" A voice called out to her, prompting her to turn back in his direction as she slid underneath the arena ropes.

"Don't go too hard on him." Kisame grinned wildly. "He's still a baby."

"Won't have to," Sakura confidently retorted sticking her tongue out with a wink in response to the playful banter.

She took her stand opposite of the blond before her, the rest of the gang crowded around. They were a rowdy bunch, those Akatsuki, even more so when the beautiful medical student slash mixed martial artist, Sakura, was around.

It came as no surprise that they would halt their own training to watch two of their youngest hot heads fight it out, especially after the excitement of Sakura's last match with Sasori, which left the latter knocked out for a good few seconds.

Deidara challenging her wasn't unexpected either. After all, his ultimate goal was to prove he was superior to Sasori and what better way to do so than beating the person who managed to take him out, he reasoned.

"So the princess has finally decided to show... un."

Sakura grimaced at 'princess', hating the fragile connotation the title carried with it. She was painfully aware however, that this was how the Deidara provoked others.

"Alright," she sing-songed as she stepped towards him, gloved fists held out to him in gesture. "But just remember you asked for it. Don't go crying when I beat you."

Deidara smirked, his own fists lifting to roughly meet those of Sakura's. To them it was a sign that they were fighting as equals, neither belittling the other.

"Remember to fight fair, you two." Tho voice belonged to Pein, who was joined by Konan along the perimeter of the ring away from the rest of the group.

Both nodded affirmatively.

With a flick of his wrist, pain signaled for them to begin.

As soon as the command was unleashed, both Sakura and Deidara took up defensive stances, shuffling away from each other. Their light footwork was all that was heard as they danced around one another, studying one another's reflexes and movements.

Deidara was explosive in nature, quick on his feet and highly skilled in parry's. He was also well known to manage a mean blow when least expecting it. The blond also incorporated kickboxing into his training regimen as well as an assortment of martial arts involving strong and swift lower body strikes.

Sakura on the other hand, moved significantly slower and took on a more defensive approach. She was something of a hard hitter too-like a tank almost-with her heavy, blunt fist strikes that could easily knock someone out in just one punch. They were to be feared no doubt, but with Deidara's fighting style, he was practically set up to at least perform well so long as he wasn't struck.

Unfortunately Sakura's evasive, agile nature proved troublesome for Deidara. Even with his reach, Sakura managed to close in a few times, striking daintily before maneuvering away once more unscathed. Deidara, however, was beginning to see the pattern with her movements and decidedly planned a counterattack for the next time she tried the same stunt.

 _Right about... now!_

Just then, Deidara's leg glided across the floor knocking Sakura down swiftly, her back slamming into the ring with a painful reverberating thud and a grimace. Not one to waste time, the blond quickly found himself pinning her down between his legs, her arms restrained just above her head in a compromising position.

"H-hey! That's against the rules, Dei. Get off me," she spat.

The others meanwhile watched on as the scene unfolded, no one daring to call out the broken rule.

"If you want me off so badly, then get me off you, yeah. I'm not gonna let you show me up the same way you did Sasori, un." An amused smirk graced his face.

Aggravated, Sakura called out. "Dei-chan!"

Deidara's grip tightened on her wrists. "What did you call me, PRINCESS?"

Hidan howled in laughter whist Kisame cackled at her attempts to rile him up in the worst way possible.

Sakura smirked, knowing she had him right where she wanted. "Deiiii-CHAN," she purred vexing.

Meanwhile the others watched on amused as an annoyed Deidara let his guard, lowering his face menacingly into the girl's face. A painful surprise awaited as the girl slammed her forehead into Deidara's face in just the right spot to send waves of pain all over as she released a "shannaro". He shut his eyes tight as the tears threatened to find their way out due to the sudden pressure and throbbing sensation. Losing his focus, he quickly found his position switching with Sakura as she climbed over him in his moment of distress, grounding her bottom just above Deidara's crotch.

Laughter madly erupted from the room at the sudden, yet expected situational turnout. Had Sakura looked over, she would be found a teary eyed Hidan and Kisame doubled over, almost rolling with laughter.

"How the tables have turned..." Konan spoke through an amused smile.

After a few disgruntled mutters, Deidara found his eyes widening realizing Sakura's placement as he stared down at her waist. His eyes slowly followed upwards to the girl smirking victoriously above him. They narrowed slightly as his baby blues made contact with her emerald eyes.

"Get off me, will ya, un?"

"No."

"Saku-chan," his voice lowered so that only she could hear him. "This is uncomfortable, yeah? Now get off me already." His pleas were so deathly silent, to onlookers only his lips could be read.

The girl shook her head, grinding her hips into him as she tried to force more of her weight on him. Sakura leaned forward slightly, angling herself so that her ear was closer to Deidara's mouth. Unbeknownst to her was the discomfort she was causing the poor blond down there.

Said blond stifled a groan at the movement that left him unintentionally aroused, causing Sakura to raise an eyebrow. "What'd you say?"

Deidara subtly readjusted his position, hoping to relieve the unwelcome distress. "Get. Off. Me. Please." A low growl emitted from his throat, music to Hidan's ears as he started to bounce on his feet with interest.

Sakura turned her head curiously towards Deidara who appeared in pain and pleading, their lips remarkably close to each other. She studied Deidara and how his short breaths hitched before losing focus at the boisterous voice of Hidan.

"Oh for the love of Jashin, get a fucking room!" Hidan's voice suddenly erupted, causing Sakura to promptly turn her body surprised.

Quick as he could, Deidara shoved her off and hurried to the men's locker room muttering curses, his ears and face flushed red. For once, he appreciated the man that was Hidan.

Sakura, confused when outrageous laughter erupted from Kisame and Hidan, stayed thrown on the ground as Deidara had left her watching him retreat in an uncomfortable oddly stiff run.

Meanwhile Sasori smirked in all his glory, basking in the embarrassment and anger of the blond he tolerated only a little.

Itachi, who stood leaning against the gym wall had his eyes shut and his head turned away as if nothing happened. _Typical._

"Don't be jealous, Hidan! I'll give you a good pounding next time if that's what you want."

"Oh?" A lascivious smirk made itself apparent. "Well you can do me any time, baby. I'll be here all fucking day." A lecherous grin spread across his face a she gestured a thrusting motion.

"Keep it up and I'll make sure you bleed, pervert."

Hidan bounced on his feet at this with an even greater grin accompanied with something of maniacal laughter. "Why you kinky little bitch. You sure do know how to turn me on! I might just take you on the floor right now with an offer like that. And who are you to call me a pervert after that little show just now?"

Sakura chucked her towel at Hidan in irritation. "That's harassment. And I have no idea what you're talking about. Anyway, what happened to Deidara? Did I embarrass him so badly he had to go cry in the locker room?"

The room turned quiet as a room of disbelieving eyes and overly amused smirks filled the air. Even Itachi gave a little huff as his eyebrows knitted and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

"You mean to tell us you didn't NOTICE?" Kisame asked slinging an arm around Sakura's shoulder as she walked with a water bottle in hand Konan passed to her only a few moments back.

"Notice what?" She opened the water bottle, pressing it to her lips.

"You gave little blond bitch baby a fucking hard-on!" Hidan shouted unnecessarily loud, drawing the attention of other gym goers.

"What?!" Sakura spat, choking on the water she had been drinking. She was sent into a mad coughing fit prompting Kisame to slap her on the back a few times.

"The poor kiddo. Kami knows his mind wasn't even in the gutter." Though Kisame found himself feeling sympathetic for their friend he couldn't help laughing heartily at his expense.

Laughter erupted from Hidan even more disturbingly. "Bull-fucking-shit, Sharkie! Girly Boy is still a guy at the end of the day. Oh Jashin, I'm dying over here," he cackled.

With a firm knock to the back of Hidan's head, Konan managed to shut the silver haired man up. "He's definitely not that type of guy," Konan added to Kisame's statement. She only wanted him to lose the fight, not his dignity.

Itachi gave one firm nod in agreement. "Hn."

"The brat got what he deserves," Sasori matter-of-factly said. "But on a more interesting note, I'm supposed to believe that you, a med student, were not expecting that to happen?"

"Well he was wearing a cup, wasn't he? He couldn't have felt me through it," she spoke strained, still recovering from her choking incident.

The moment of silence that followed caused confusion in Sakura, but Hidan in tears with a choked silent laugh was enough to tell her she was missing something.

"Innocent," Sasori sighed. "Sweetheart, you have a lot to learn. I can teach you everything you need to know if you'd like."

Hidan raised a brow. "Eh? Fuck's little Pinocchio talking about? She needs a man, not a boy. What are you even, twelve?"

"Thirty."

"Yeah, yeah. And I'm smart. No need to lie. We're all friends here."

"W-wait, that can still happen with a cup on?" Sakura interrupted, her thoughts trying to catch up.

The males exchanged nods across the room at her question.

"It's hella painful when wearing one, actually." Hidan shrugged dismissively.

"Uncomfortable more so," Sasori admitted.

Kisame grinned slyly, curiosity truly piqued. "Has it happened to you before, Sasori?"

"In any case, the brat is probably frustrated right now," Sasori responded, ignoring the question. "I appreciate what you've done, Sakura. I'll offer you information on personal life of Uchiha Sasuke as a reward."

Itachi's eyes narrowed at the redhead. "No. You won't."

"Your brother complex means nothing to me, Itachi. She earns what she earns."

"Leave him out of this."

Just then, Deidara's voice boomed from the locker room. "Damn it! How do I get this thing off?!"

"I-I'll go see if he needs help," Sakura suggested. She felt slightly bad that this was her fault. As she began to make off, Itachi called out to her.

"Haruno-san. I'll take you on next time. Train hard; I won't be going easy on you."

Sakura nodded firmly. "Understood, cap'n." She hurried off less than a second later, leaving behind a party of laughing, crying, and stunned individuals.

Hidan's eyebrows shot up in interest. "Oh? How exactly does she plan on helping him?"

"Don't be so crude, Hidan," Konan reprimanded. "She's a med-student after all, best one for the job. . . ."

END

* * *

A/N: I apologize again for Hidan. I love him so much, but the guy's got issues, let's be honest. Anyhoots, I hope you enjoyed this little read. I for sure enjoyed writing it in all its horrendous, cringe-y glory. Let me know your thoughts and if I should try writing more things like this :)

Also, for those following my other story, For the Heir, please note that the genre is likely to change from romance. It's been a long time since I've updated and I've thought the story over a lot. For me to complete it and feel at peace with the story, I don't think me focusing on a romantic route is the way to go for plot reasons and inexperience with writing romance. I hope to update soon with more info, so please continue with your support if you like the story so far!


	2. Fight Club Pt 2

A/N: I can assure you this will not become a legitimate story (marking it complete). It wasn't popularly requested or anything, but I figured I would indulge those who chose to follow this anyway because why not? Once again, I'm sorry for Hidan. He's actually one of my all-time Naruto faves, but y'all know he can be a little crazy.

Rated M for strong language

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

* * *

 **FIGHT CLUB** **PT.2**

 **...**

* * *

"Look at her." A feral grin rested on Hidan's face. "I want to kill her." He leaned back on the concrete walls painted black, his dominant hand tangled in his hair from frustration and desperation.

Itachi sat on the ground with one leg stretched outward, the other propped up. He held a water bottle in his hand resting on his propped leg, tapping his fingers as he watched Sakura sparring with Sasori in the distance, all the while doing the deed of ignoring the younger fellow.

A loud, frustrated groan escaped Jashin as he complained. "But at the same time I don't because it'll be no damn fun if she's no longer around." He crossed his arms, clicking his tongue all the while.

All together, Itachi, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Kisame turned to face the Jashinist.

An appalled frown lined Deidara's lips. "Hidan, you're pretty sick, you know that?"

"'You're pretty sick, you know that?'" he mimicked childishly. "You're pretty damn pathetic, you know that," he spat, shoving the blond who stood to his right.

"Watch it, you damn psycho, un," Deidara shouted as he crashed into Kisame's side.

For his part, Kisame barely budged. Scratch that, he didn't budge at all. "Seriously kid, you've got to stop letting people toss you around like that," Kisame snorted, unfazed by the abrupt contact.

After a few more jabs and an immature shoving match between the two youngest men, the bickering died down. Not too soon after, Sasori and Sakura's spar wrapped up, the redhead staggering backwards and collapsing against one of the pillars at the many corners of the ring.

Without a second's delay, Kakuzu held out his hand in front of the obnoxious silver haired man.

Hidan scowled. "Well shit. I actually thought Pinocchio would win this time around. He fucking sucks," he said, reaching for his pocket. He shuffled through the bill compartment of his wallet and pulled out a hefty sum, shoving it into Kakuzu's hands whilst muttering another "shit".

Kakuzu flipped through the bills, stopping at one that looked particularly different from the rest. "Is this a blood stain on this bill?"

"What's it to ya? You got your money. Get off my back."

"I want a _clean_ one."

"Too bad. Choosers can't be beggars."

This elicited a chortle from Kisame.

"What an idiot," Deidara huffed, "un."

"You wanna say that a little louder, blondie?"

"Beggars can't be choosers," Deidara mumbled.

"What? I can't hear you."

"It's 'beggars can't be choosers', idiot."

Hidan nodded dismissively. "You knew what I meant, so what's it matter?" He fluttered his eyes closed with a tilt to his head and a careless shrug.

Once more, the men trained their eyes on Sakura who stood akimbo as she took a few deep breaths, the rise and fall of her chest indicating just how much she exerted herself. They all watched intently as a smile graced her façade and she reached out to help Sasori up with a tug of his hand that might as well have dislodged his shoulder.

Sasori grunted at the abruptness and Sakura gave him a teasing jab if their expressions were anything to go by.

Deidara sighed. "What a work of art," he said to himself forgetting his surroundings.

"You're not wrong," Kisame pitched. "That's our girl right there, giving you guys a hard time and gifting us laughter. Wouldn't trade her for the world."

"Speak for yourself," Kakuzu interjected.

Minutes passed as Sakura and Sasori made their way over to the bench, both wiping down their sweat and getting their fill of water. Sakura rolled her shoulders back and lolled her head from side to side, releasing tension.

After about fifteen minutes of cooldown from Sakura, Itachi made his approach. "Haruno-san. Do you feel ready to go today?"

She considered it for a moment. "As ready as I'll ever be." She wiped some sweat from her face with the white gym towel before passing it down both arms.

"But if this doesn't go well, I want a rematch. I did just finish with Sasori-san, after all."

"That's fair," he responded.

Hidan grabbed his pendant that dangled around his neck, closing his eyes as he held in tightly in his right hands.

Deidara peeked at Hidan's closed eyes. "What are you doing?"

Between low mutters, Hidan mumbled, "praying," before muttering again.

"Why?"

Irritated, Hidan opened one eye, glaring at the blond as his praying ceased. "I'm dumb, not stupid." He closed his eye again and resumed his low mutters before interrupting himself to complete his answer. "That poor bitch is gonna die."

Sakura was well out of earshot as she and Itachi already made their way towards the rink.

Deidara gave Hidan an odd look. It didn't take much to be able to tell Hidan had quite the soft part for Sakura despite his odd way of expressing it.

"With how you're praying? No chance in France."

"Who said I was praying for her sake? Lord Jashin is happy with sacrifice."

Deidara leaned forward to peek at Kakuzu on the other side of Hidan. "Kakuzu-san, how do you put up with this guy," he asked, sticking a pointer finger out at the admittedly handsome idiot that was Hidan.

"The same way Sasori puts up with you: he doesn't."

Kisame snorted. He was doing that a lot, actually. He couldn't help himself though. These guys were too much.

Hidan doubled over with an obnoxious, loud cackle.

"Shut up, Hidan," Deidara threatened.

"How about all of you shut it. They're starting," Sasori said, flicking his head up at the rink.

In the rink, Sakura danced around away from Itachi, knowing well that she had to be on the defensive with him. He was quick, he had better reach, and he was all around capable. Sure, Sakura had her strength, but there was no way she would be able to exert it on him if he she couldn't debilitate him.

The problem with these two fighting one another was that they were both very calculating, sizing up their opponent and analyzing all signs of potential weakness. Sakura hated opening herself up to the scrutiny of Itachi, just knowing the possibility that he was disassembling her piece by piece, down to her very core. His expression was difficult to read, but she knew he was being critical despite.

She wasn't sure how long after the battle began he made the first strike. He had been quick, testing the waters and observing her movements.

Now well over a minute elapsed of missed blows and more circles around the rink.

Another minute passed, and their bodies were lined with sweat, especially Sakura's, for she was constantly having to make drastic movements to evade Itachi's attacks. A few times she was able to counter his blows, though the ones she landed were relatively weak.

Now, a few minutes in, she lay immobilized the larger man. Sweat dripped from his chin onto her lips. They stung enough as it was with her own saltiness; his drop made her cringe more. It added a layer of intimacy Sakura wasn't at all expecting. Sure, he was handsome, but this would be the end of her if she didn't do anything. And so she acted.

Sakura wriggled in a way that looked helpless underneath the man. He sat right across her pelvis, which immobilized her well and she let out a frustrated groan when he didn't budge.

 _So that's how it's going to be._ Not one to give up easily, Sakura planted her feet on the ground as she dragged her knees up. Itachi felt the shift behind him and registered a brief glimpse of surprise when Sakura popped her hips up to knock him just forward enough to slam her head into his nose.

Sakura grimaced, knowing all too well that Itachi was worse off. She knew for sure when she brought one of her arms under his armpit and locked her hold around his neck. At the same time despite his struggle, she wrapped her legs around his torso and hooked them at his back. For the time it would keep him from striking her, not that she expected him to. What she expected even less however was Itachi's shift to the right as he toppled them both onto their sides and using his greater strength to his advantage, rolled onto his back. Now Sakura's legs were pinned under Itachi's body painfully and he knew it too.

In the midst of their battle, they missed a lewd remark about Sakura's tendency to find herself on top of men.

Sakura had to wonder if Itachi purposely let her do what she did leading up to this moment as he propelled himself forward into a seated position.

Itachi was no pervert so long as she had known him, but man did she feel odd when her butt landed in his crossed legs. This was definitely _not_ an official move from any of the disciplines. His taunting eyes confirmed her suspicions as their faces aligned only several centimeters apart.

Somewhere in her mind she forgot her arms were still locked around his neck until his arm that was locked buckled down outside of her hold and wrenched her grip open almost effortlessly. Now all that remained were her legs grappling him at his waist. Sakura's eyes widened when she felt Itachi rock onto his back again. This wouldn't be good for her if he pinned her again if she was anticipating his moves correctly. He had reversed the fight somewhere along the line to challenge her at her own game.

As she careened forward towards him, Itachi's arms slid underneath Sakura's underarms and his fingers locked in front around her chest. And then, in blink of an eye, he teetered forward once more after rocking all the way back, sending Sakura's body down onto the ground, a gasp escaping as her body hit hard. She lay breathless as the world around her turned black.

At least it appeared to.

Itachi's hair came undone, curtaining around her face and blocking them both out from the rest of the world. Itachi's deep breath exiting through his nostrils warmed her skin and Sakura shuttered. She forced her head to turn away from him.

Some fool on the outside was wolf whistling, they both noticed.

Sakura spat her mouthguard out and wondered aloud, "are you coming onto me?"

He tilted his head down closer and shifted his mouthguard around to speak his mind. "Surely you're joking?"

"Distracting you, really." She wriggled underneath him again to see if she could gain the upper hand again, but he hooked his legs around the outside of hers and immobilized her full body. Had he not done so, she could have kneed his crotch. Suffice to say, there was nowhere to go from here, so she settled for the next big thing.

Sakura sighed and looked up at him with her eyes large and innocent, mustering as blank a face as she could manage as she deadpanned. "I like a man who's in control."

"Pardon?"

"You heard me." If he was uncomfortable, she was winning.

"Haruno-san," he warned.

She smiled innocently. "People are watching." _He wouldn't dare._

He sighed, perturbed by the oddity she was trying to pull after her blunder only days ago with Deidara. _Very well_ , he resigned internally. Itachi unlocked her arms and grabbed her wrists before she could do anything with them; he was smooth like that. And he was going to make sure Sakura had it difficult.

So he did what any man would do in his position; he pinned them above her head and leaned down to her the one ear she exposed as she turned her head away from him, a sudden surge of regret filling her. "Two can play at this game." Once more he breathed against her skin, making sure his breath caressed her neck and the tip of his nose tickled her skin before pulling away.

A warm pink crept into her cheeks as her skin heated fervently.

Triumph.

"You're blushing," Itachi said plainly, all traces of seduction fleeing his voice.

"That's not fair," she exhaled sharply as her mind went into overdrive at something so simple.

"Only finishing what you started, Sa-ku-ra-chan." It was sickeningly sweet, the way he said her _name_.

Wait.

What?

And just like that, he untangled himself from her and ducked out of the rink, leaving her lying alone and melting into a puddle.

Was this revenge for Deidara? No, it couldn't have been. Itachi wasn't like that. What the hell?

"Damnit, Itachi, you killed her! She's just.. lying there, you asshole!" Hidan gestured wildly to Sakura. "Look at her! She's alive," he said noting the rise and fall of her chest, "but she's dead," he exclaimed at her motionlessness.

"You're being dramatic," was all Itachi said in reply.

Sasori tilted his head looking between Sakura and Itachi. "You know, there are websites dedicated to whatever it was she and you were just about up to, right?"

"You're horrible, Sasori." Konan said in passing. She had seen the spar and only overheard that conversation in passing as she made her way to some of the other gym equipment.

"Is he talking about what I think he's talking about?" Hidan wiggled his eyebrows. "Didn't know Pinocchio was into that raunchy stuff. You're a fucking baby!"

"I never said I was," Sasori replied.

"And yet you never said you weren't," Deidara quipped.

Deidara and Hidan were evil when they double teamed others, Sasori decided.

Itachi feigned ignorance to the conversation and turned to Kisame who snorted with the conversation.

"I have to admit, when the kiddo said she was going to die, that's _not_ quite what I had in mind," Kisame bit back a chuckle.

Meanwhile Deidara and Sasori moved towards the Sakura, where sat staring down at the ground.

"Earth to Sakura-chan, Earth to Sakura-chan, come in," Deidara yelled out to her from beyond the rink.

She looked up at him emptily.

"You alright, un?"

"I," she started looking dazed. "I think I'm done for the day." Sakura stood and tumbled out of the rink, Sasori tossing her a towel.

"Cold shower?" he asked.

"Cold shower," she agreed.

The three walked together back to the group and though the two men stopped, Sakura pushed through them, her body shivering oddly as she brushed passed Itachi.

Sasori turned to Itachi with a studious eye. "I think you broke her," he stated plainly. His curiosity piqued. "How did you do it?"

"I called her by her name."

"You sure as hell did _a lot_ more than that, I'll tell ya that right now," Hidan snorted.

"I wonder if she's still looking for a rematch," Kisame thought aloud.

"Oh, she'll be wanting a rematch, alright." Hidan snickered. "In bed."


End file.
